Friday, December 25, 2009
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
*snore* aaaaazzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzz *snort* *turn* *SNORE>>>>>>>*
Wow. I feel rejuvenated. And excited for another night at new patient's house. And look forward to corvid greetings in the AM.
Wow. I feel rejuvenated. And excited for another night at new patient's house. And look forward to corvid greetings in the AM.
Monday, December 21, 2009
a new adventure
Today I begin my adventures as a travel nurse. Eating little. Sleeping not enough. Semi-focused...into the fray....
Sunday, December 20, 2009
How time flies when you are avoiding responsibility
Now it is December 20th and although my Facebook restaurant is well maintained and I have advanced two levels in Vampire Wars I notcis that I have again totally left behind my commitment to myself, my spiritual self and probably all the rest as well. So Mid winter is here and the light begins. Still in the warm up phase for the great experiment of 2010.
So far no one has stumbled onto this blog but I trust the universe to find the support group I need as I continue forward. So what is the Challenge of 2010. Its nothing new really, the same things I have been promising myself for five decades, actually probably only four since I was at least 10 years old before I internalized guilt to the extent my New Years were long journal wallowings in my failings and repititious promises.
However today is different. Today I know that the shoot will always deploy IF I packed it properly. Trust is the process of crossing arms, closing eyes and falling forward, I trust the divine to clear my lines and send the gusts and operate the laws of physics to bring me to the soft landing place. 2010 is about packing the parachute.
I have an amazing bucket list. One item on the bucket list is to complete a triathalon, another is to visit every continent in the world, and a third is to well let me just give it to you, the following is my Twenty Wishes, my bucket list.
1. Complete a triathalon
2. Spend an amazing cultural week in New York complete with Broadway show, Modern Art Museum and Macy's shopping (my treat) with my BFF and photograph a travel tale of the Traveling Bears in New York.
3. Knit myself, my sons, my DIL (s?), and two BFF's a wearable ensemble of socks, hat, mittens, scarf and sweater.
4. Make snow angels, cross country ski and build an amazing snowman.
5. Memorize my "best" version of the Tao te Ching
6.Watch the Northern Lights again and photograph a Spirit Bear and a Polar Bear (not in the zoo)
7. Visit all seven continents and be the "nail in the shoe" in every one.
8. Paint an oil picture worth framing.
9. Achieve a positive financial balance ALL debts paid and two months of bills in savings.
10. Build or preferrably retrofit a "Green" house where I raise and care for chickens, goats, horse and garden.
11. Own and know how to use and perform once using a Cutlass, a cannon, a bow and arrow and an epee.
12. Complete a 20 minute film and enter it in a film festival.
13. Complete a Nanowrimo challenge.
14. Publish with pay a travel article about a great sea adventure.
15. Sew myself, Sara, sons and wives an exceptional and historically accurate Rennaissance costume.
16. Make camp myself from dirt to dinner ready and coffee on the fire.
17. Make a road trip of at least two days (week if possible) with each of my boys.
18. Graduate from college with a minimum of a Bachelor's degree.
19. Dance in the arms of someone who makes my breath quick not from the exertion but the feeling and experience once more loves first kiss.
20. Visit Bali and Mombasa and swim on their beaches, visit Tibet for the meditation that is peaceful political action, and end with a month in Italy and learn my grandparents language.
I made this list initially in October 2008 and it stands as the magic I wish to create for my future. If you are reading this, how about you? What is on your bucket list?
Tomorrow maybe I'll write about how this list is coming in the year since its inception and maybe a littel bit about how (since the new thing is the world ends in 2012) I intend to accomplish this list before Jan 01, 2013.
So far no one has stumbled onto this blog but I trust the universe to find the support group I need as I continue forward. So what is the Challenge of 2010. Its nothing new really, the same things I have been promising myself for five decades, actually probably only four since I was at least 10 years old before I internalized guilt to the extent my New Years were long journal wallowings in my failings and repititious promises.
However today is different. Today I know that the shoot will always deploy IF I packed it properly. Trust is the process of crossing arms, closing eyes and falling forward, I trust the divine to clear my lines and send the gusts and operate the laws of physics to bring me to the soft landing place. 2010 is about packing the parachute.
I have an amazing bucket list. One item on the bucket list is to complete a triathalon, another is to visit every continent in the world, and a third is to well let me just give it to you, the following is my Twenty Wishes, my bucket list.
1. Complete a triathalon
2. Spend an amazing cultural week in New York complete with Broadway show, Modern Art Museum and Macy's shopping (my treat) with my BFF and photograph a travel tale of the Traveling Bears in New York.
3. Knit myself, my sons, my DIL (s?), and two BFF's a wearable ensemble of socks, hat, mittens, scarf and sweater.
4. Make snow angels, cross country ski and build an amazing snowman.
5. Memorize my "best" version of the Tao te Ching
6.Watch the Northern Lights again and photograph a Spirit Bear and a Polar Bear (not in the zoo)
7. Visit all seven continents and be the "nail in the shoe" in every one.
8. Paint an oil picture worth framing.
9. Achieve a positive financial balance ALL debts paid and two months of bills in savings.
10. Build or preferrably retrofit a "Green" house where I raise and care for chickens, goats, horse and garden.
11. Own and know how to use and perform once using a Cutlass, a cannon, a bow and arrow and an epee.
12. Complete a 20 minute film and enter it in a film festival.
13. Complete a Nanowrimo challenge.
14. Publish with pay a travel article about a great sea adventure.
15. Sew myself, Sara, sons and wives an exceptional and historically accurate Rennaissance costume.
16. Make camp myself from dirt to dinner ready and coffee on the fire.
17. Make a road trip of at least two days (week if possible) with each of my boys.
18. Graduate from college with a minimum of a Bachelor's degree.
19. Dance in the arms of someone who makes my breath quick not from the exertion but the feeling and experience once more loves first kiss.
20. Visit Bali and Mombasa and swim on their beaches, visit Tibet for the meditation that is peaceful political action, and end with a month in Italy and learn my grandparents language.
I made this list initially in October 2008 and it stands as the magic I wish to create for my future. If you are reading this, how about you? What is on your bucket list?
Tomorrow maybe I'll write about how this list is coming in the year since its inception and maybe a littel bit about how (since the new thing is the world ends in 2012) I intend to accomplish this list before Jan 01, 2013.
Monday, December 14, 2009
wow life is coming fast...
Not sure which is harder to have; discipline when there is nothing making you get out of bed or when there is hardly enough minutes in a day.....
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Daily discipline is harder than one might think!
I am officially off night shifts. Also technically unemployed for the next 24 hours. Resigned, have new job and this is the puddle between...
Sooooooo
Tomorrow starts the spent, ate, exercised, read portion of this blog
Pluto trines mercury lets make these changes count!
Sooooooo
Tomorrow starts the spent, ate, exercised, read portion of this blog
Pluto trines mercury lets make these changes count!
Monday, December 7, 2009
Missed one day but now back in the saddle
"I pick myself up, I dust myself off, and start all over again......"
My finances right now are somewhere beyond sucky, a thousand dollars overdrawn to be exact, my abusive ex-roommate got the protection order overturned today, my life is generally scraping along the bottom...
I am not dead.
I am not yet unemployed.
I am actually closer to having this new job.
I am responsible for how I react to any given situation.
I just need to find my north.
My finances right now are somewhere beyond sucky, a thousand dollars overdrawn to be exact, my abusive ex-roommate got the protection order overturned today, my life is generally scraping along the bottom...
I am not dead.
I am not yet unemployed.
I am actually closer to having this new job.
I am responsible for how I react to any given situation.
I just need to find my north.
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Seven days until the Lights begin again...
Midwinter is always a transformative time for me I realize. I am not sure why, just is, what light will I bring forth this time?
Christmas shopping almost done.
Haven't found the Menorrah I want.
And Pagan Yule is at Regina's in two weeks and I will go there as well.
Today I ate fast food, butter cookies, Pumpkin Pancakes at Coco's for breakfast..in short everything I shouldn't in quantities no one should.
However I paid my rent on time, and am blogging however lamely again.
Baby steps. I am also exhausted. Up 24 hours now. I sooooooo want to get off night shifts.
Soon.
Christmas shopping almost done.
Haven't found the Menorrah I want.
And Pagan Yule is at Regina's in two weeks and I will go there as well.
Today I ate fast food, butter cookies, Pumpkin Pancakes at Coco's for breakfast..in short everything I shouldn't in quantities no one should.
However I paid my rent on time, and am blogging however lamely again.
Baby steps. I am also exhausted. Up 24 hours now. I sooooooo want to get off night shifts.
Soon.
Friday, December 4, 2009
My journey today is not at all about me. Need sleep to do my job tonight but 1st I go visit a friend in hospice. Her husband is dying and I am sad. Death has been brushing her wings against me in an unfamiliar way this month. First I lose my Grandmother and am unable to bridge the canyon of family alienation nor do I have the time or financial resources to go and be the one at my grandmothers side. Instead I place this love an energy into serving my patients at work. And now my dear friends husband. It is strange to be a visitor at one of our units.
I brought my friend, the patient's wife food and sat silent for awhile.
when I left
I cried.
Now I will sleep and go serve from the other side again.
My insides ache.
I brought my friend, the patient's wife food and sat silent for awhile.
when I left
I cried.
Now I will sleep and go serve from the other side again.
My insides ache.
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Reading Lists
More books to be on any informed book shelf
On Beauty and Being Just by Amy Goodman
The Second Treatise of Government by John Locke
Return of the Native and A Pair of Blue Eyes by Thomas Hardy
Fate of the Earth by John Schell
Silent Spring by Rachel Carson
I seek to build a better bookshelf. It is much easier to find a thousand copies of Twilight or the latest Danielle Steel novel than one copy to own of any of these. And I am as guilty of this pandering to intellectual snackery as any.
Discipline this week has been limited. My meditation time ended up being a time for sleeping in and i have yet to run and i ate at least a dozen cookies at work the other night cause it IS beginning to look a lot like Christmas with fresh baked treats every where I go.
But this counts as today's write as I go to an orientation this morning and then work again tonite. Seven days of daily writing, then time to add the next new behavior to my arsenal of weapons of mass change. Except that particular analogy to war makes me nervous, prefer to think of a new one.
Did get up and read my ethics book, "Global Values 101". Tea so far for breakfast. And bank account is in the black! Midnight tonight is payday!
On Beauty and Being Just by Amy Goodman
The Second Treatise of Government by John Locke
Return of the Native and A Pair of Blue Eyes by Thomas Hardy
Fate of the Earth by John Schell
Silent Spring by Rachel Carson
I seek to build a better bookshelf. It is much easier to find a thousand copies of Twilight or the latest Danielle Steel novel than one copy to own of any of these. And I am as guilty of this pandering to intellectual snackery as any.
Discipline this week has been limited. My meditation time ended up being a time for sleeping in and i have yet to run and i ate at least a dozen cookies at work the other night cause it IS beginning to look a lot like Christmas with fresh baked treats every where I go.
But this counts as today's write as I go to an orientation this morning and then work again tonite. Seven days of daily writing, then time to add the next new behavior to my arsenal of weapons of mass change. Except that particular analogy to war makes me nervous, prefer to think of a new one.
Did get up and read my ethics book, "Global Values 101". Tea so far for breakfast. And bank account is in the black! Midnight tonight is payday!
Its all a rehearsal really
Rehearsal tonite. Got home this morning from work late cause I stopped to pick up application for fingerprint card. Slept. Up to rehearsal. Now bed again.
Many thoughts going through head but soooooo sleepy. At least kept commitment to write tonight.
Many thoughts going through head but soooooo sleepy. At least kept commitment to write tonight.
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
Computer Confessor ....or why is public therapy so popular?
No really. Why can I tell a computer screen that potentially could be read by hundreds or thousands, however unlikely, what I cannot tell my BFF? Have we as a nation traded real human intimacy for cyberconnections? Or is it just that the page listens without interjecting? So I guess thats my goal tonight with my patient's and their families; be this blank unjudgemental computer page that listens as long as I need to talk.
As to my day
I really left my house too late but arrived at my job interview on time and discovered once I was at the interview that I have several things in need of updating, like my fingerprint card. Also, I have grown lacadaisical in my maintenance of my nursing credentials. I have maintained the minimum CEU's and kept my license valid but not pursued anything extra.
Sooooooo, now I need to...
On the spiritual is political front I am reading "Global Ethics" and feeling inspired to recrack a few radical books (see previous blog) but unable to get them from the local library. I could try Amazon but am trying not to spend unless its for Christmas presents. Maybe I'll take a couple of the books I own to Changing Hands to trade for the titles if they have them, If they don't I guess I wait for interlibrary loan.
Discipline I actually got up when my alarm went off to read. Still did not run today, do yoga or meditate. Dishes are done here and clothes out of the dryer and hung.
Food I ate two boiled eggs with vegan butter substitute with a cup of coffee for breakfast. Lunch was a bowl of rice with sunflower butter and crushed red pepper (Nom nom YUM!) stirred in and a fruit smoothie made from 2 overripe organic bananas and frozen mango/peach/berry mix and some green tea, and a hard boiled egg.
As far as stuff I just wish would go away, I called the FVP unit and left my name and number and tonight will actually text all three witnesses, the two who saw the assault and on who has witnessed his violent temper in the past and verify their presence at court.
Financial responsibility front I went and put the $20 cash from my wallet into the bank (a verrrrrrrrrry long slooooooow line) to make sure my storage unit fees are there. Still not showing deducted. If still not showing up on the 3rd (Thursday) when I have to do all this stuff for my new job I'll stop by there. Can pick up more boxes with maybe, maybe my Christmas Movies.
Tummy full I now sleep a few hours then go do my regularly scheduled program, 12 hour shift of Hospice nursing. I love my job, I love my life. Gonna listen to my Quan Yin music while I sleep.
So computer confessor, I'll keep breathing and showing up and while I do I ask for grace and protection for myself and most especially those I love, those I serve, and those who are currently my greatest teachers in forgiveness and compassion.
As to my day
I really left my house too late but arrived at my job interview on time and discovered once I was at the interview that I have several things in need of updating, like my fingerprint card. Also, I have grown lacadaisical in my maintenance of my nursing credentials. I have maintained the minimum CEU's and kept my license valid but not pursued anything extra.
Sooooooo, now I need to...
On the spiritual is political front I am reading "Global Ethics" and feeling inspired to recrack a few radical books (see previous blog) but unable to get them from the local library. I could try Amazon but am trying not to spend unless its for Christmas presents. Maybe I'll take a couple of the books I own to Changing Hands to trade for the titles if they have them, If they don't I guess I wait for interlibrary loan.
Discipline I actually got up when my alarm went off to read. Still did not run today, do yoga or meditate. Dishes are done here and clothes out of the dryer and hung.
Food I ate two boiled eggs with vegan butter substitute with a cup of coffee for breakfast. Lunch was a bowl of rice with sunflower butter and crushed red pepper (Nom nom YUM!) stirred in and a fruit smoothie made from 2 overripe organic bananas and frozen mango/peach/berry mix and some green tea, and a hard boiled egg.
As far as stuff I just wish would go away, I called the FVP unit and left my name and number and tonight will actually text all three witnesses, the two who saw the assault and on who has witnessed his violent temper in the past and verify their presence at court.
Financial responsibility front I went and put the $20 cash from my wallet into the bank (a verrrrrrrrrry long slooooooow line) to make sure my storage unit fees are there. Still not showing deducted. If still not showing up on the 3rd (Thursday) when I have to do all this stuff for my new job I'll stop by there. Can pick up more boxes with maybe, maybe my Christmas Movies.
Tummy full I now sleep a few hours then go do my regularly scheduled program, 12 hour shift of Hospice nursing. I love my job, I love my life. Gonna listen to my Quan Yin music while I sleep.
So computer confessor, I'll keep breathing and showing up and while I do I ask for grace and protection for myself and most especially those I love, those I serve, and those who are currently my greatest teachers in forgiveness and compassion.
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